|VIP Pork Entrance|
The sign says "Swine Loading
and Unloading Area"
This weekend we went down to the Galveston County Fair. That sounds like the opening line of a John Michael Montgomery song, but it's not. It's my life, ya'll.
I haven't been to a real fair since I was a kid, and even then we mostly just looked at the cows and horses, rode the carnival rides, and ate mass quantities of cotton candy. I missed out on all the behind-the-scenes action, which was a massive error in judgement on the part of my parents. This sh*t is fascinating, ya'll.
Things I learned at the fair:
|Jennifer: Ugh, we have no|
privacy anymore. I wish the
papparazzi would leave us alone
Lindsay: Behold, my cootchie!
Cookie Monster: Nom Nom Nom
Fairs have chicken shows and turkey shows and rabbit shows and pig shows and who-knows-what-else shows. Not like a donkey show. Like a dog show. What I would really like to see is a peacock show, but they don't have those so I settled for the turkey show.
There are people who take special classes to be a judge in a turkey show. In college. They seriously have college classes for poultry judging. And they like to go on little judging power trips. At the end of judging, when they announce the winners, they say things like "I had a hard time deciding on first and second place because one had more width and one was more tapered. In the end I decided that the one that is wider wins."
It's all school aged kids that participate in this and it's difficult for them to hold the turkeys up for extended periods of time during judging. So they have someone stand behind them to help them out, or hold the turkey for them (usually a parent). I would love to be able to put "4-H Turkey Show Spotter" on my resume to show my diversity.
When pigs are born they put notches in their ears as a means of identification. The location and quantity of notches in each location on the ear means something. Like Roman Numerals for pig ears.
At a fair, don't be fooled by the term "Super Nachos." These are not super sized or covered in extra ingredients like meat or tomatoes. They are stale chips covered in canned cheese and chili. Like they asked the ball park for their left-overs and served them at the fair for $4 a tiny basket. Super Old? Super Lame?
Things that happened to me at the fair:
|Me and my buddy Peter. Before the|
infamous bird incident.
The Turkey Show winner happened to be someone we know, so I was totally woo-hooing for her. Add "Excited About A Turkey That I'm Not Going To Eat" to the "List of Things I Never Imagined But Have Now Experienced."
I was invited to a "Turkey and Chicken Killin' Party." This is a real thing and I am totally going. The turkeys and chickens are killed to be eaten; it's not some sort of cult ritual. I think. They weren't looking at me with cannibalistic lust in their eyes so I think I'm safe.
I witnessed a guy in an Expedition drive into an area full of people (which no one is supposed to drive into, except employees on golf carts), get out, FINISH OFF HIS BEER, throw it into the trash can, then proceed to unload his show stuff. Which I'm pretty sure was supposed to be done that morning, before there were hundreds of people milling around. And (hopefully) before he started drinking beer. Oh, and did I mention that a sheriff on a golf cart drove by and didn't say anything? Because yeah, that totally happened, too.
|I failed to get a decent picture of the|
cute little piggies
And that concludes today's installment of "OMG, I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS."
Amanda the SUB